Local January 1892 news included an irreverent reverend, passenger pigeon innovations, and a mix-up between Paris, France, and New Paris… in Ohio.
RAILWAY WOES: About all it takes to bring the trains late into Richmond is a slight snowfall that would not even stop a kindergartner, AND THERE YOU ARE! Because of this we suggest the depot should add more woodstoves so there may be no more human extinctions – not from freezing while waiting – but from rapid advancement of old age! – The Eds.
CAMBRIDGE CITY COUNTRYSIDE: Yesterday while Mrs. Jane Lusk, wife of farmer Frederick, with a jug of whiskey and $300 she had just withdrawn from the bank, somehow got it misplaced. It has since been learned Marion Duff and Tom Young stole both jug and money. When arrested, they were drunk. The money was returned. The whiskey won’t be.
IN HAMILTON, OHIO: Evangelist Edward Best yesterday stood at his open window and loudly prayed to the Lord to curse and destroy his neighbors with cholera and smallpox. The man of the cloth was immediately arrested and fined $10 and costs for disorderly conduct. When appealing to the county judge, he — as clergyman — was sternly rebuked to make appeal to the highest court above and to adjust to how he does the Lord’s bidding down here below.
UP IN THE AIR: The Evening Item is in receipt of the annual report of Postmaster General Wanamaker, in which he recommends a governmental postal telegraph service. Just why the Feds should go into the telegraph postal business any more than by delivery express or business freight, he does not say. We in Richmond vote for a passenger pigeon system because, by the way the Postmaster’s brain works, it is something this government-funded idiot might actually endorse. – The Eds.
DISCOVERED ‘EM: Our brother the esteemed Palladium, in yesterday’s dispatch, with regard to brigands robbing a train in Warsaw, Poland, posted the location as Warsaw, Indiana, a place to which it was not heretofore thought brigands would ever extend themselves. It is expected that next our Pal the Palladium will locate the news of Paris, France, at New Paris… the one in Ohio! – Eds. (The Evening Item and the Richmond Palladium were friendly rivals until they merged on Jan. 8, 1939, and the former competitors became one.)
ON EARTH: Our recent comet, it is now believed, is identical to the one seen in 371 years B.C. and again in A.D. 337, at the time of the death of emperor Constantine. It will never appear again to the present generation. Its orbit has been calculated from accurate observations as a very lengthened ellipse, with a period of 793 years to say the least, so that its next appearance will be in 2,675, wherein it is probable few of us will be left to greet it, but of course the immortal town of Richmond shall be. – The Eds.
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